24Oct

Mood swings like a box of chocolate: I never know what you’re going to get.

In high school I was a moody, grotsky bitch. I calmed down in college along with the hormonal spikes, thanks be to biochemistry. Lately, I’m back to the secondary school hormonal scene. It’s been ugly, you guys. In the past 15-20 minutes, I went from jamming to some music and doing work in my cube to bitching at TJ via gchat for not covering a banana bread I baked (WITH LOVE YOU ASSHOLE.) I ended with a very unattractive weeping session. All of this, of course, witnessed by the office passersby and my boss. All parties (husband included) have likely written me off as that erratic mess who’s nuttier than a squirrel turd.

I should make 15 of the same maternity t-shirts that say on the front and back “APPROACH WITH CAUTION: PREGNANT AND UNPREDICTABLE. DO NOT UPSET.” I would wear one at all times. It would be my gift to the world. Does anyone out there know how to screen print?

In other fun news, I went ass over teakettle whilst out for a lunch walk yesterday afternoon. On my way down, I thought to myself “huh, my legs are not going to hold me up” and I was right. I landed, thankfully, on grass and neither the baby nor myself was injured. I’d like to take this opportunity to thank the considerate coworker walking with me who made himself useful by staring at me on the ground and not offering to help me up.

On a related note, I’d like to take this time urge fellow pregnant people who are prone to clutziness to avoid the tricky combination that is uneven ground + Dansko clogs.

 

Other things that have reduced me to rage or tears?

1. The day the air conditioner wasn’t in the window and I called all over town looking for TJ so he could put it in.

2. The day I wanted a sandwich at 9:45AM and had to wait to get one from an unsuspecting pizza joint.

3. A potato chip bag being crinkled by my dad.

4. The time when TJ accidentally broke my favorite plastic salad bowl.

5. The time he left dishes in the sink.

6. The time that he didn’t want onions in the soup.

 

Round of applause and pats on the back for TJ and his infinite patience, folks. The man deals with a lot over here.

 

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